There's no Gentlemen anymore! That's because there's no marriage.

I was just watching Al Murray speak his mind about Gentlemen - there are very few "gentlemen" left in the world - I agree with him, and the honest reason he gave (though he did miss one out). There are very few gentlemen in this world - there are very few of us who will hold a door open for a woman, who will lay our coats across a puddle, who will lend a helping hand to a woman if she needs to get down some stairs in high heels, who will be knights in shining armour to a lady's DIY/plumbing/heavy lifting problem - there are very few of us left, we are a rare breed (I say we because I like to consider myself as such a man - or at least attempt to be...) - and there are two reasons - initially, the reason is because there are very few ladies left - I have tried lending a helping hand to women who have a difficult step to get over, who might need help building a barbecue because they have put the shelving bracket on upside down (!), who are struggling to lift something because it is heavy, they are a lady, and I am the physically stronger of the two of us (if the woman in question was a professional weightlifter, clearly I would have been of no use, and not offered my services, but they weren't, so I thought I'd be a gentleman and offer to help). I have not laid my coat across a puddle, because the one time it was necessary, I stupidly forgot to bring my jacket (experience learnt, I'm only 20 you know...) And the reason no gentlemen exist any more, is because these women THROW IT BACK IN OUR FACE! Just when we think we are being helpful, we are, in fact, being oppressive males towards the female gender, and preventing them from developing into equality. I AM TRYING TO BE HELPFUL!!! Fine, next time you need help across a puddle, get your feet wet, and don't complain. Next time you need help with heavy lifting, don't complain that I couldn't be bothered to help. Next time you are building a barbecue, girls, and I helpfully point out that you are building it wrong, and try to give you advice... (I am really miffed at that PARTICULAR incident, not wishing to name names... Charlotte and Claire... it's alright, they won't read this blog anyway...), please do not throw it back in my face, saying "We don't need your help - we are women, and can do this on our own".

However, it IS unfair to blame women in this case. Because us men have brought them down to a place where they feel they have to be independent, their own woman, equals, rather than being admired, as good standing citizens, who need a White Knight upon a Fiery Steed (yes, I'm quoting Bonnie Tyler, and proud of it), who want a hansome young prince, that they can be their princess...

These days, that dream that all little girls have at the age of 3 tends to disappear at around the age of 7, for 2 reasons: Their Mum, and their Dad. Because they are starting to learn that the world sucks, and that that will never happen. And there is another, underlying reason to all of tis, and that is the loss of the family unit, because gone is Romance and Marriage - this comes back to the Prince, Princess thing. In the fairytales, The Prince rescues a beautiful princess from her Problem - either being locked in a castle, being in a deep coma because some witch poisoned her, or being a slave to her two ugly stepsisters, and not being allowed to go to the ball (okay, so it was actually the fairy godmother in Cinderella, but the prince came back later to rescue her after falling in love with her...). And little girls have lost this, because they are not seeing that reflected in their parents, they are seeing very little love between their parents, etc. and the reason is the family/marriage thing.

So, let us go back to the real basics of Love - the gentleman, and the lady - they meet for the first time, become friends, have fun. they met up again, have more fun, have laughs. They then have more fun, one makes a fool of himself (It's nearly always the guy - mental note - I must learn to do something safe (otherwise she'll think I'm stupid), yet still embarassing, to make a girl laugh next time I take her out) - but they then end up having a form of intimacy, because they know each other better than other people do. They start holding hands, and end up kissing (probably a couple of dates later). Ahh, how sweet and romantic! They are now etting very intimate, and have really fallen in love. They will now be at a stage, where they cannot not be around the other person, because of the way they feel about each other, etc. They are, in fact, addicted to each other, because of the special things that they hold between each other. They decide that they love each other so much, and to be around each other so much, that they could not stand to be without the other for the rest of their lives - so they marry.

-- Aside --
This is a key stage to the relationship - you are making a lifelong commitement to the other, that you will not seperate from each other, because you know the other so well, and want to be with them for the rest of their life (or yours, depending on who cops it first...) I believe this to be a very important step - this cannot be skipped out to the next, because it is the most loving thing you could ever say to someone - that you will be there with them, through the highs, and through the lows, laughing with them, crying with them.

The two become one person - working with each other, as a team, in a strong relationship bond with the other.

-- End Aside --

Then, AFTER THEY MARRY, they get to know each other as intimately as they can - Sex, ladies and Gentlemen. Let's not beat around the bush (unless you ARE into whips and that sort of thing), Sex happens. But it is NOT the smutty, dirty thing that it is portrayed as - it is a thing of love and beauty, because it is something private, to be shared between two people who truly love and adore each other, and want to know the other as intimately as possible - it is when two people, physically, as in marriage, become one flesh, and experience the closest thing to heaven that you can get.

So where did we go wrong? Have I emphasised enough the time span of the above? so it can be from about 6 month (one friend of mine) or several years (a few other friends of mine), in that order. Unfortunately, in todays world, clearly alcohol is being manufactured that warps time slighty, and what should be 3 years seems to blend into 3 hours. And whose fault is that? No, not Smirnoffs fault, clearly, as vodka has been drunk for quite a while, without problems. No, it's the IDIOTS who told young people that sex was enjoyable - but left out the whole "but it is an intimate thing between a man and a woman, and should only be done when you love someone so deeply that you are married to them" bit.

But the whole marriage thing has gone as well, hasn't it? I heard of someone who was getting married, and her friend congratulated her - at which point the bride-to-be was taken aback, since all of her friends had turned around and asked "why? - why would you want to be stuck down to the same man?". This, readers, I find incredibly depressing - not only is marriage disappearing, because there is no need in order to have sex, but also because love is dissapearing - there is very little love between men and women at my age, because most of the time, it is someone that they met on a night out, and had a great night with. Now don't get me wrong, there are relationships, but they are not the same, because they are Sexual relationships - which tends to be rather empty, because you don't love the person because you had funny times, great laughs, and developed an intimacy, but because you are having fun with them in bed, and because they are a fit/hot/sexy person. Again, don't get me wrong, there are probably plenty of relationships out there that are not shallow - people are genuinely in love, and they simply skipped out the marriage bit.

But when boredom sets in, the "oh great, it's the same person I'm having sex with, I fancy a change, how about something different", you know that there was little love to begin with - but of course, as the bride's friends told her, there's no point getting married then, because at least you can get out of the relationship fairly easily - bit of emotional trauma for a few months, but you get over it - with mariage, you have declared by law that you will stay together, so it is much more concrete - so instead of getting a divorce, you wonder why that happy couple of 10 years ago were so happy together, and you WORK THROUGH IT, rather than be a coward and get out of it quickly, find someone else you can sleep with.

So what has this all got to do with being a gentleman, I hear you cry, you are deviating from the topic - because the lack of the family unit means that when the condom breaks, you have an accident, decide not to abort and the accident starts growing up... then when you start having troubles, the kid witnesses it all, and instead of seeing a happy family working as a team through their problems and foibles, they see fighting, arguing, and the idea of a perfect world with Princes and Princesses is now Gone. Girls grow up learning that the world sucks, and that gentlemen don't exist, because they will run away as soon as a problem comes. Or, if said child was a boy, he learns that the best thing to do is run away, and not try his best to be a romantic gentleman, a knight in shining armour.

Marriage has a lot more implications than people realise. Sex outside marriage carries a big weight of problems - I have no issue with people having sex outside a legally binding agreement, but ONLY if you are prepared to stick it through thick and thin with that woman/man, as if you were married - and see it through to the end. But who am I? I'm just a 20 year old Christian guy, I've not been there, and felt the pain of a repressed woman...